My two-week-wait... again

It's been 9 days past ovulation (i assumed day 14 as my ovulation). I've been feelin' mixed emotions, 25% excitement and 75% fear. I'm quite excited (has always been) because it might be positive... it's good to have positive thoughts. I've been noticing a very light brownish discharge these past few days. I don't know if this would mean a positive sign. But as days past by, i felt the fear that it might be negative again. If these would be another failed two-week-wait, i pray that i'll have the courage and strength to face another day of hope again. That my faith will give me more understanding of what we are going through. Oh Lord, let it be my two-week-wait a worth waiting for (for more than 5 years of waiting) this time. I wish that i could announce to the world how happy and blessed i am. Oh, i've been waiting for that moment for so long... Lord, have mercy on us and may You grant our wish... a positive HPT, morning sickness and cravings, my baby bump, our little angel. I'm very much ready for sleepless nights just for taking care of our bundle of joy. Just thinking all of these makes me feel excited!

When will it be? I really need lots of patience...

When it will be? Kelan nga ba? Para na akong punching bag na bugbog na sa katanungang yan. I hope and wish i can answer it... pero kahit sa sarili ko hindi ko magawang sagutin. Nakakaiyak isipin, nakakaiyak sa tuwing kami ay kinukutya na para bang hindi kami normal na tao. Sana mainitindihan nila kung ano ang pinagdadaanan namin, sana maintindihan nila na mahal namin ang isa't isa at higit pa yon sa pwedeng matanggap na biyaya mula sa langit. Hindi nga ba sapat ang pagmamahal sa mag-asawa, kakulangan nga ba ang hindi pagkakaroon ng supling? Hindi ba't bonus lang yon sa mag-asawa. Hanggang ngayon, umaasa at nangangarap kaming mag-asawa na isang araw kami rin ay maging isang magulang... magulang na magbibigay ng pagmamahal at pag-aaruga sa isang anak. Iniisip ko pa lang na may tumatawag sa akin ng Nanay ay lubos ang kaligayahan ng aking puso. Kumakapit pa rin kami sa pag-asa, at sumasalampalataya sa Maykapal na isang araw ay mayayakap namin ang isang munting anghel sa aming buhay.

A Prayer...

It's been a while i haven't posted here. I wish i have already a good news to share... but then its not yet our luck. Yesterday was fathers' day, how i wish hubby and i can celebrate it. Just to ease the pain, i didn't open TV (kunwari nalang hindi fathers' day). Recently, i heard the news that my brother-in-law's wife is on her way to motherhood. It's a blessing for the family... i am happy that finally my mom-in-law who's been longing for a grandchild will soon be granted, and also felt sad for myself =(. While browsing the GT (my favorite website wherein i can relate with the wanna be moms like me in their journey), i came across with this prayer which i wanted to share:

Lord, help me to know that You are enough. Take my eyes off of myself. Take my eyes off of the child I desire. Help me to delight myself in You. Mold the desires of my heart to be in line with Your will. I don't want to need to be a mother more than I need to be your humble, obedient child. I don't want wanting to have a baby to be a stumbling block between You and me anymore.

Lord, I want to give this desire, this drive, this ache up to You. Help me not to snatch it back as I so often do with the burdens I place in Your hands. Help me to be truly content with Your will and Your timing.

Lord, You know that I still desire a baby - someone to mold, teach, train, shape, guide, and help to grow in You. But until the day You give me that joyous blessing, help me to grow in You. Let me reach out to those around me. Let me witness and minister to the children You place in my path.

Lord, if adoption is the path You would have us take, prepare our hearts, and prepare the child who will share our home. If adoption is not Your will for our lives, keep me from pushing ahead of Your plan. Help me to stay submitted to my husband's will, and to Your will. If we are headed in the wrong direction, change our hearts.

Thank You for lifting my burden. Help me to keep You first! Let me seek Your face daily, and let me know that You are enough!


This is really a wonderful prayer, every time i read this, it lightens me and somewhat eases the burden i felt. People around us may not understand what we are going through as well as we may not understand them whenever they keep us bugging questions and annoying comments but each day, i pray to God to help us make stronger, to have an open heart of acceptance of whatever His plans for us. At the end of the day before i go to sleep, hugs and kisses of hubby melts all my burdens. Despite all these things, i feel so blessed.